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Many myths surround domestic abuse. How many people are affected, who are they, what is the impact on children and what help is available? Find out the answers below.
- What is domestic abuse?
- Are women the only victims?
- Am I the only person this is happening to?
- Have I done something wrong to make this happen to me?
- Surely I must have provoked the situation to make this happen?
- If my children don't see the abuse they won't be affected
- If I report the abuse will Social Services take my children away?
- What can Teign Housing do to help?
Domestic abuse is the physical, emotional, sexual or mental abuse of one person by another person with whom they have an intimate relationship. It can also be financial abuse (controlling money) or creating a situation of social isolation. It can happen to anyone and in all kinds of relationships. People suffer domestic abuse regardless of their social group, class, age, race, disability, sexuality or lifestyle. The abuse can begin at any time - in new relationships or after many years spent together. It is rarely a one-off event. It tends to get more frequent and worse over time.
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No. Although four out of every five reported victims of domestic abuse are women, significant numbers of men also suffer. Men can be abused by women or, in the case of same-sex relationships, by their male partner. No person should live in fear of their partner, former partner or any other member of their household.
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Am I the only person this is happening to?
No, it is far more common than most people think. One in four women will experience domestic abuse at some point in their lives. Over 45,000 women and children stay in a refuge each year. There were over 11,500 reported incidents of domestic abuise in Devon last year. It is difficult to know the true extent of domestic abuse. Research has found that on average a victim is assaulted at least 35 times before they report an assault to the police.
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Have I done something wrong to make this happen to me?
No, the person who is abusing you is the person who is wrong. Everyone is entitled to live in a safe environment, free from the fear of assault and abuse.
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Surely I must have provoked the situation to make this happen?
Wrong. A victim of domestic violence and abuse is often made to feel and think that it is their fault. Those being violent will often say that they have been pushed to "breaking point" by "nagging" or other "unreasonable" actions. These comments are normally aimed at making the victim feel ashamed and responsible - and to prevent them from reporting the abuse to someone else.
Abuse and violence are never acceptable ways to solve conflict in relationships. Partners do not have the legal right to assault each other, whatever they may claim made them act like that. Nobody asks for, or deserves to be, abused. Responsibility for the violence rests entirely with the perpetrator.
In fact, most victims of domestic abuse do everything they can to pacify their partners to avoid further violence.
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If my children don't see the abuse they won't be affected
90% of children are in the same room, or the room next door, when abuse and violence occurs. Even if they don't actually see it, they usually overhear it. These experiences can affect them both in the short and long term. The emotional effects of witnessing domestic abuse are very similar to the psychological trauma associated with being the victim of child abuse. Some research suggests that it can be even worse for a child to overhear the abuse, as what they imagine is happening can be even worse than the reality.
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If I report the abuse will Social Services take my children away?
No. Often abusers want to make victims believe that it is not acceptable to make their violence public, and that if Social Services are informed the children would be taken into care. This is not true. Social Services want to avoid taking children into care wherever possible and aim to support the non-abusive and caring parent to stay with the children.
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What can Teign Housing do to help?
The first thing we will do is make sure you are safe. We'll do whatever we can so you can stay in your own home by providing you with:
- a panic alarm in your home;
- an emergency mobile phone;
- extra security equipment, like a safe letterbox or extra door and window security;
- extra security lighting.
If you can't stay in your own home, we can help you to move to a new home. We'll work with Teignbridge District Council and voluntary organisations to find somewhere safe for you. If your safety is threatened by domestic abuse you'll also be given priority for moving to a new home (see Moving Home for more information). Even if you owe rent we will still help you to move.
If you want us to, we'll work with the Police. We may also be able to help you by taking steps against the person who is being violent to you - this may be by taking action to repossess a tenancy, or by using injunctions.
To get help
You can speak to your Neighbourhood Services Advisor in confidence. You can ask to speak specifically to a man or a woman if you prefer. Call Teign Housing's Customer Services Team on 01626 322722 or pop into our offices at Templar House, Collett Way, Newton Abbot, TQ12 4PH. Click here to see our office location on a map>>
In an Emergency call the police on 999
The agencies below can also provide support and advice
South Devon Women’s Aid Tel: 01364 644088
Women’s Aid Tel: 0808 2000 247
MALE helpline Tel :0808 801 0327
(Advice and support for men in abusive relationships)
The Broken Rainbow Tel: 08452 60 44 60
(Support for lesbian, gay bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people experiencing domestic abuse)
www.broken-rainbow.org.uk
Action on elder abuse Tel: 0808 808 8141
Childline Tel: 0800 1111
www.childline.org.uk
